"La Di Da Di, We likes to party, we don't cause no trouble, we don't bother nobody"
Sometime in the past, the owner of a large Rhode Island mansion summons his housekeeper
to the basement where he kills her and removes her teeth with a hammer and
chisel. The man offers the teeth to some unseen creatures inside a fireplace
and asks for the return of his son. He doesn’t get his wish. Fast forward to
the present day and a man (Guy Pearce) and woman (Katie Holmes) move into the
mansion along with Pearce’s estranged and reclusive daughter (Bailee Madison). Sally,
depressed at being separated from her mother discovers the now hidden basement
(which was somehow missed by surveyors, estate agents and owners but discovered
by an eight year old) and awakens whatever lies inside the old fireplace. Once
the creatures are out they want one thing; to take someone back down with them.
Considering this is a horror film it's less scary than when Nemo’s dad
loses his son. The slow and tedious opening lasts for half an hour, during
which time there is no atmosphere and little tension. One of the reasons that The Woman in Black was so successful is
that it created atmosphere and suspense. Here there is none. We just get
panning shots of what feels like quite a nice and not at all creepy house.
