Identity Thief

Why didn’t I just listen? I have only myself to blame. No actually, I’ll blame my girlfriend as this film was her choice, but no, it’s not all on her, I have to shoulder some of the responsibility. At work Richard, the man behind I Liked That Film told me it was the worst film he’d seen all year and I’d listened to a couple of podcasts and read some reviews which stated similar. But still I went. And now I’ve added another few dollars to an ever expanding pot which makes this waste of talent (at time of writing) the second biggest box office draw of the year so far. How and why is this film so bad? All the ingredients are there. Melissa McCarthy is a fast rising comedy star who was great in Bridesmaids and stole her scenes in This is 40. Jason Bateman is one of the best every man-straight man types in Hollywood today. What happened?

The plot or should I say tenuous excuse to get Bateman and McCarthy in a car together for two hours is that Bateman plays Sandy Patterson. I know what you’re thinking; Sandy is a girl’s name. He must be some kind of girly man, right? Well if you think that’s funny then you’re gonna love the next couple of hours. So Sandy, ha, Sandy works in Denver at a job he’s good at but he doesn’t get the sort of appreciation he thinks he deserves (Amen, brother!). Sandy starts to notice that his credit limit is reduced and eventually his card is declined. He’s all like “What on Earth is going on? I only use the card for gas and coffee…” Meanwhile in Florida a woman (McCarthy) has stolen Sandy (Get it, like a girl’s name) Patterson’s identity and is using it to buy all sorts of hilarious items like hairspray and jet skis. Unfortunately the police can’t help because for some reason they’re not allowed to. So Sandy, wait, sorry. Sandy has to go to Florida himself and play bounty hunter by bringing the woman to Denver to explain to his boss that he’s a good boy really. Also there are bad guys with guns.

Safe House

I don’t know what I was hoping for with Safe House but I certainly wasn’t expecting so little. With films like Taken setting the bar very low these days for the action genre it seems that a whole parade of films are following in its ridiculous wake and Safe House is but one of these movies. Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds) is a CIA Safe House Operative in Cape Town. His role involves waiting around a secure house in case the CIA ever needs to move a criminal, terrorist etc. Twelve months into the posting Matt’s first house guest arrives in the shape of Tobin Frost (Denzel Washington) a highly skilled rogue CIA Agent who is being chased by a menagerie of vaguely foreign looking killers. Frost repeatedly ditches Weston but he never stops hunting the rogue agent down and more nonsense I’m bored.

Safe House was more full of holes than holy water from the holy land and had the most obvious twist since Rock ‘n’ Roll. It is such a stupid movie that I can barely bring myself to discuss it. It is never exciting or interesting and beside solid but unspectacular central performances there is literally nothing of merit in the entire 110 minutes.

Gangster Squad

It’s nearly Christmas. You’re really excited and have been waiting for ages. You think that your parents have got you an amazing LEGO Castle with some of your favourite minifigures. Every time you go to the cinema your parents show you a little sneak peek at a couple of the best looking bricks. You can’t contain your excitement. Then some idiot shoots a load of people in the LEGO factory and Santa puts Christmas back. The Castle you are told needs some tweaking. You wait and wait, still excited. The day finally arrives. You rush to the cinema to open your Christmas Present and… wait. It’s not the amazing LEGO Castle at all but some cheap imitation. Your Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone minifigures are there and there’s even one that looks a bit like Sean Penn, it looks great too but it isn’t what you were hoping for.

Originally slated for release in autumn 2012 Gangster Squad was put back following the tragic Aurora shooting in Colorado. After some reshoots to remove a pivotal cinema shoot up the film was released in the UK in January 2013. I’d been really looking forward to it since early 2012 but my anticipation was never going to be met. The film tells the real life story of The Gangster Squad, a small Police Unit given free reign to catch L.A. Gangster Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn). Sergeant O’Mara (Josh Brolin) brings together a crack squad of rough, strong and smart Police to meet Cohen on his own terms and free L.A. from his grasp.