The penultimate film in the inexplicably popular Twilight series is probably the worst to
date. Having avoided the hordes of mindless team whatever fans on its initial
release I finally persuaded myself to sit down and watch the DVD twelve months
on. I was unable to get through it in one sitting. The plot is one of the least
tortuous and most dull affairs I’ve ever seen. Bella (Kristen Stewart) is
marrying Edward (R-Patzzz), much to the distain of Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who
shows his anger by ripping off his shirt less than five seconds into the film.
Following their seemingly real time marriage which feels longer than most
actual weddings I’ve been to, the happy couple go on their honeymoon, first
passing through Rio, full of stereotypical dancing Brazilians before ending up
on a secluded island. Edward is worrying about hurting Bella during
consummation and through a vomit inducing sex montage; they finally consummate
their love after all these years. But uhoh!! They must have skipped sex
education class as Bella ends up with a baby up all inside her belly. How this
happens is beyond me as the father is dead. I was under the impression that
dead people had no living cells but somehow Edward’s sperm are alive. Anyway,
the baby starts trying to kill Bella and lots of people attempt to save her,
despite the fact that she’s one of the least likeable characters in cinema
history.
Showing posts with label Robert Pattinson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robert Pattinson. Show all posts
Sunday 18 November 2012
Friday 15 June 2012
Cosmopolis
"It's not the sex I've had, it's the sex I want that you can smell"
Young billionaire Eric Packer (Robert Pattinson) decides to
take his stretch limo across New York
City for a haircut. Along the way he conducts
business, meets friends, family and acquaintances before being mobbed by
anarchists and confronting someone who has malicious intent to harm him.
This film reminded me of a good Shakespearean play; I only
understood about half of it but enjoyed it a lot. There are long elongated
stretches of duelling dialogue which are spoken in a half alien language of
metaphors and double meanings. The word ‘this’ takes on new meanings and is
used in – it feels like – almost every sentence. Much like a Shakespearean play
there are odd comic moments and in keeping with Director David Cronenberg’s
cannon, brief scenes of extreme violence. These few instances ignited some of
the more drawn out and dare I say duller scenes to keep the audience on
tenterhooks. Despite these flashes this wont be a film for everyone and a man
next to me in an early afternoon screening fell asleep while a couple on the
row in front left about half way in.
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